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Missing the Joy

Posted by MDViews on August 29, 2009

Following is a piece I wrote hoping to have it published. It doesn’t look like it will be, so I am posting it here. It regards family size. I hope you enjoy the read as much as I enjoyed writing it.

 

Missing the Joy

 

Everyone knows we live on an over-populated planet. Too many people (carbon footprints) harm our environment causing global climate change, a threat to us all. In addition, increasing population means more poverty and starvation. Socially responsible adults must respond by limiting their family size.

 

What I just wrote is nonsense, of course, but is religion to environmentalists and accepted by many if not most Americans. In spite of such bleak pronouncements, abundant space remains in and on this world for more people. The sun controls our weather more than we thought. Carbon dioxide helps plants grow. Denmark and Japan, two densely populated countries, experience remarkable prosperity in spite of (because of?) their many citizens. Dishonesty, graft, greed and corruption seem to contribute more to poverty and starvation in third world countries than anything else. It’s hard to do business with a dishonest person or run a business in a country with a corrupt government.

 

But what does a socially responsible young adult do about family? Should a couple have children? If so, how many? Is a large family a curse on the planet or a blessing? As Psalm 127 says,

 

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them! (ESV)

                                                          

I deal with this issue everyday in my OB/GYN practice. It’s my job to inquire about childbearing desires, an inquiry which always leads to a discussion of family size. When I ask women if they will have children, or have more children, I usually get a ‘you-just-want-more-OB-business’ comment with a sly smile. But when I press, the comments I hear are almost always the same: We have the perfect family, a boy and a girl; my husband won’t let me; day care is too expensive; we just moved into a new house and can’t afford another child; one child is too much hassle, more would be worse; we want to travel and have fun; we should limit our family to not hurt the planet. Money. Time. Fun. Job. Daycare. Travel. Hassle. Husband. Environmental responsibility. Such are the reasons I hear for limiting family size.

 

I’ll ask to share my perspective on family size. If permitted, I do my best to counter such arguments and am occasionally persuasive.

 

For those with money trouble, I counter by saying there has never been a better time to afford children. Discount stores and thrift shops dot the cities and towns. Frugality is not poverty. The most important things a parent can give a child—time, support, love, care, discipline and training—cannot be bought with money. A strong social safety net protects in the event of hard times. No one starves.

 

To the hard-core environmentalists, if pressed, I mention Denmark and Japan as examples of countries maintaining a healthy environment with dense populations and present the view that people are the solution, not the problem.

 

It’s harder to counter the “perfect family” argument and the “we want to have fun” argument. To that I ask if her children bring her joy. And, of course, they do.

 

Then I ask if I can share my Thanksgiving story. I’ve never been turned down.

 

Thanksgiving—it’s a busy day at the Anderson house. Family and friends arrive from all over. People trickle in, some bringing food, some Thanksgiving cards, some half a gaggle of kids and everyone their appetites. Decorations of turkeys and pilgrims delight the little ones. The smell of food fills the house. In the kitchen, a passel of woman (and men) prepare food in abundance as talking fills the air. Discussions of kids, jobs, cars, church, joys and sorrows go on between where’s-this-bowl and what-shall-I-add-to-this. In the living room, three sit discussing politics. Four play a board game at the kitchen table. Toddlers run, scream, fall, laugh and cry. Babies are admired, diapers are changed, naps go on in the quiet rooms and comments are made about how every child is taller this year. Eventually, everyone gathers at the table where I read a thanksgiving Psalm and pray, thanking God for His providence, praying for those in need, remembering with sorrow the close family and friends who have passed on and blessing those who could not attend for one reason or another. Everyone eats as conversations continue. A few do the dishes, sometimes even joyfully, as most bundle up for the football game outside where someone is always learning the game and someone always gets hurt.

 

Then I tell them that when they get to my age, material things—cars, houses, bank accounts—dim in importance. But family, this gift of God, provides abundant, often indescribable, joy. Even with the sorrow of loss, family events like that are as close to heaven as I’ll ever get this side of glory. I tell her my desire for her to have children has nothing to do with my OB business, but everything to do with her joy. Don’t give up the joy! Don’t settle for “stuff”—money, cars, homes, travel, big retirement nest eggs—just stuff—when you can have family!

 

Of course, everyone knows families can be dysfunctional, traumatic, abusive and broken. Just read a newspaper. But the Psalmist had it right. Children are a reward and a joy, not a carbon footprint destroying the planet.

5 Responses to “Missing the Joy”

  1. […] 1. A doctor’s perspective on the overpopulation myth. […]

  2. […] Read the rest at MDViews […]

  3. Amy said

    How thrilled am I to have an obstetrician with such a heart! It is such a gift to have doctors who still love a large family and are not shocked when women want to have more than one or two children. Thanks Dr. Anderson. Know that you have probably not delivered the last of my babies!

  4. Phoebe said

    Thank you so much! That’s a wonderful story. I come from a family of seven kids, and wouldn’t have it any other way.

  5. Vanessa said

    It’s refreshing to see that there are others who love children, too. Someone who doesn’t love children cannot truly know what happiness is.

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